Sex talks are interesting.
Dark Portrait
Melody says:
we had an interesting conversation one day
Melody says:
he was all "womens vaginas are 7 inches deep!"
Melody says:
and I'm all "haha, psh no. they're like 4 inches deep on average duddddeee"
Melody says:
and he's all "Oh, I must stretch it out then" and I was all "Yea, it does that"

(no subject)
After school my friend and I we're with our Law teacher working on an assignment the other day.

Mr. S: I'm sorry ladies, I'm just so tired....didn't get a lot of sleep last night.
ME: You need to stimulate yourself.
My friend: *she looks at me with eyes wide and then whispers* oh my God...stop talking.
Mr. S: *doesn't seem phased at all* That's an AT HOME activity.

We start laughing our heads off.

ME: I meant stimulate your mind.
Mr. S: Sure you did, *winks*

And we laughed again.

(no subject)
paris. ew no
Me: Time travel scares me. There's no way it is possible and thinking about it stresses me out.

Adamn: Oh, I don't believe in time travel.

Me: Why not?

Adamn: Well, if it were possible wouldn't you think they would have come back [to the past] by now?

(no subject)
shiruji 03
And this just happened right now... :p

Daddy comes home, he runs up the stairs and towards the bathroom where I am washing my hands.
"Oh oh, I gotta pooh, I gotta pooh... Hurry, close the door, close the door."
And when I close the door I see him standing in this really funny way with his legs crossed :p

Moral: Always make sure to use the bathroom before you're going somewhere...

(no subject)
shiruji 03
At school last year.
The teacher was checking who where there and who where not.
(We do this every morning)

(About a girl who wasn't at school the other day)
Teacher:  "And [girl's name], I've got the letter that you were sick yesterday, so it 's okay."
Girl: "I thought I was cutting class." (people laughing)
Teacher: "Sorry, what did you say?"
Girl: "Uhm... Nothing!"

(no subject)
ღ let's start the show
(Sitting with S, C, CH, K and Aa. A runs up)

Aa: You're pr-...
Aa: Oh, great.
(A runs off)
Aa: *repeating self* You're pregnant? Haha, it's funny how you all knew what I was going to say.
S: Actually, I thought you were going to say "You're cured of syphilis?"
Aa: HAHAHA! Yeah. Sy-sy-sy-syphilis!
S: Cha-cha-cha-chia!

What about the carrots!?
Dark Portrait
A convo about religious extremism that turns into one about protecting carrots.

[cutting out the very serious religion talk part of this convo]

ME: I never really understood the whole "accepting Jesus into my Heart" thing. My religion came to me very naturally. When I was little, I seriously thought trees had spirits. When I was 8 I scolded a neighbor because he took a hammer to a tree near our house I thought he hurt it and it would die. I mean, I know scientifically that isn't too true, but spiritually....

Friend: Actually, there have been studies that plants can feel pain.

Me: Seriously?!

Friend: Yea, Mythbusters even did a show on it. They read the electrical output of a tree as one of the guys was hitting it and it seriously spiked. The tree felt pain!

Me: I was right! I'm a clever little kid!

Friend: The funny thing is the vegetarians who are doing it to save the animals. I mean, it's great that they want things to live and all, but what about the carrots?

Me: The animals have teeth and claws to protect them but what do carrots have? orange

Friend: They never had a chance!

(no subject)
gardenstate door
Im gonna go downstairs and grab some food
wanna get me some cookies and send them to me?
all we have is mince pies want one?
yeah ok [:P]
beams pie over the internet
takes pie, has a bite, grins lots
you wanna know something?
eating mince pies here with you is one of the best moments of the holidays

This is kinda gross, but funny, haha..
me myself and moi
Jennifer Hampton: -.-
sojuman3885: thats my exact response when my friend pitches a fat chick at me
sojuman3885: or a sea monster
Jennifer Hampton: a sea monster?
sojuman3885: yeah
Jennifer Hampton: O.o
sojuman3885: pit viper?
Jennifer Hampton: pit viper?
sojuman3885: just a fugly ass female creature
Jennifer Hampton: dude
Jennifer Hampton: i totally just invented a new term for a penis
Jennifer Hampton: butt viper
sojuman3885: haha
sojuman3885: hahahahah
sojuman3885: nice
sojuman3885: my penis isnt a butt viper though
Jennifer Hampton: unless you're swedish
Jennifer Hampton: then you might get some strange looks
Jennifer Hampton: or austrian
sojuman3885: haha
Jennifer Hampton: because their w's sound like v's
sojuman3885: haha
sojuman3885: i was trying to figure that out
sojuman3885: now it is funny
Jennifer Hampton: lol
Jennifer Hampton: way to be slow
sojuman3885: not slow
sojuman3885: it just didnt click
sojuman3885: i was thinking in actually terms
sojuman3885: not their speech
sojuman3885: haha
Jennifer Hampton: lol
sojuman3885: shit
sojuman3885: im hungry
sojuman3885: but i have hardly any food
Jennifer Hampton: me too
sojuman3885: and my butthole is itchy
Jennifer Hampton: i think ima make another sammich
Jennifer Hampton: ohhh mine too
Jennifer Hampton: that's weird
sojuman3885: haha
Jennifer Hampton: -.-
sojuman3885: maybe our sphincters are secretly communicating with each other
Jennifer Hampton: LMFAO
Jennifer Hampton: it's totally because i just said butt viper
Jennifer Hampton: now they're contracting
Jennifer Hampton: LOL
sojuman3885: yeah
sojuman3885: they are scared
Jennifer Hampton: HECK YES!
sojuman3885: mine actually muttered a very faint nooo
sojuman3885: i dont know how it even knew
Jennifer Hampton: LMFAO
sojuman3885: maybe it was just a fart
Jennifer Hampton: we totally need sleep
sojuman3885: but it sounded like noooo
sojuman3885: yeah

Chatting from the age of chivalry can be tedious..

brawnydipstick: please do pardon this perhaps rather rude intrusion.

brawnydipstick: is m'lady preoccupied?

Chatting from the age of chivalry?

brawnydipstick: your majesty..

brawnydipstick: this squire is inspired by her regal demeanor..

brawnydipstick: and wishes to enter her most regal courts..

brawnydipstick: a wish bold and reckless, perhaps..

wytchcat: Oh dear lord... did you need something in particular or are you just going for your bardic badge in the SCA?


Log in