Sex talks are interesting.
Dark Portrait
kittydoom777
Melody says:
we had an interesting conversation one day
Melody says:
he was all "womens vaginas are 7 inches deep!"
Melody says:
and I'm all "haha, psh no. they're like 4 inches deep on average duddddeee"
Melody says:
and he's all "Oh, I must stretch it out then" and I was all "Yea, it does that"

(no subject)
crazy_hw_fan
After school my friend and I we're with our Law teacher working on an assignment the other day.

Mr. S: I'm sorry ladies, I'm just so tired....didn't get a lot of sleep last night.
ME: You need to stimulate yourself.
My friend: *she looks at me with eyes wide and then whispers* oh my God...stop talking.
Mr. S: *doesn't seem phased at all* That's an AT HOME activity.

We start laughing our heads off.

ME: I meant stimulate your mind.
Mr. S: Sure you did, *winks*

And we laughed again.

(no subject)
paris. ew no
suckyfucky
Me: Time travel scares me. There's no way it is possible and thinking about it stresses me out.

Adamn: Oh, I don't believe in time travel.

Me: Why not?

Adamn: Well, if it were possible wouldn't you think they would have come back [to the past] by now?

(no subject)
shiruji 03
shiruji_angie
And this just happened right now... :p

Daddy comes home, he runs up the stairs and towards the bathroom where I am washing my hands.
"Oh oh, I gotta pooh, I gotta pooh... Hurry, close the door, close the door."
And when I close the door I see him standing in this really funny way with his legs crossed :p

Moral: Always make sure to use the bathroom before you're going somewhere...

(no subject)
shiruji 03
shiruji_angie
At school last year.
The teacher was checking who where there and who where not.
(We do this every morning)

(About a girl who wasn't at school the other day)
Teacher:  "And [girl's name], I've got the letter that you were sick yesterday, so it 's okay."
Girl: "I thought I was cutting class." (people laughing)
Teacher: "Sorry, what did you say?"
Girl: "Uhm... Nothing!"

(no subject)
ღ let's start the show
muko
(Sitting with S, C, CH, K and Aa. A runs up)

A: OH MY GOD AA! GUESS WHAT?
Aa: You're pr-...
A: I PASSED MY EXAM!
Aa: Oh, great.
(A runs off)
Aa: *repeating self* You're pregnant? Haha, it's funny how you all knew what I was going to say.
S: Actually, I thought you were going to say "You're cured of syphilis?"
Aa: HAHAHA! Yeah. Sy-sy-sy-syphilis!
S: Cha-cha-cha-chia!

What about the carrots!?
Dark Portrait
kittydoom777
A convo about religious extremism that turns into one about protecting carrots.

[cutting out the very serious religion talk part of this convo]

ME: I never really understood the whole "accepting Jesus into my Heart" thing. My religion came to me very naturally. When I was little, I seriously thought trees had spirits. When I was 8 I scolded a neighbor because he took a hammer to a tree near our house I thought he hurt it and it would die. I mean, I know scientifically that isn't too true, but spiritually....

Friend: Actually, there have been studies that plants can feel pain.

Me: Seriously?!

Friend: Yea, Mythbusters even did a show on it. They read the electrical output of a tree as one of the guys was hitting it and it seriously spiked. The tree felt pain!

Me: I was right! I'm a clever little kid!

Friend: The funny thing is the vegetarians who are doing it to save the animals. I mean, it's great that they want things to live and all, but what about the carrots?

Me: The animals have teeth and claws to protect them but what do carrots have? orange

Friend: They never had a chance!

(no subject)
gardenstate door
fade_forever
Boy:
Im gonna go downstairs and grab some food
Girl:
wanna get me some cookies and send them to me?
Boy:
all we have is mince pies want one?
Girl:
yeah ok [:P]
Boy:
beams pie over the internet
Girl:
takes pie, has a bite, grins lots
Boy:
you wanna know something?
Girl:
always
Boy:
eating mince pies here with you is one of the best moments of the holidays

This is kinda gross, but funny, haha..
me myself and moi
handsoffjuliet
Jennifer Hampton: -.-
sojuman3885: thats my exact response when my friend pitches a fat chick at me
sojuman3885: or a sea monster
Jennifer Hampton: a sea monster?
sojuman3885: yeah
Jennifer Hampton: O.o
sojuman3885: pit viper?
Jennifer Hampton: pit viper?
sojuman3885: just a fugly ass female creature
Jennifer Hampton: dude
Jennifer Hampton: i totally just invented a new term for a penis
Jennifer Hampton: butt viper
sojuman3885: haha
sojuman3885: hahahahah
sojuman3885: nice
sojuman3885: my penis isnt a butt viper though
Jennifer Hampton: unless you're swedish
Jennifer Hampton: then you might get some strange looks
Jennifer Hampton: or austrian
sojuman3885: haha
Jennifer Hampton: because their w's sound like v's
sojuman3885: haha
sojuman3885: i was trying to figure that out
sojuman3885: now it is funny
Jennifer Hampton: lol
Jennifer Hampton: way to be slow
sojuman3885: not slow
sojuman3885: it just didnt click
sojuman3885: i was thinking in actually terms
sojuman3885: not their speech
sojuman3885: haha
Jennifer Hampton: lol
sojuman3885: shit
sojuman3885: im hungry
sojuman3885: but i have hardly any food
Jennifer Hampton: me too
sojuman3885: and my butthole is itchy
Jennifer Hampton: i think ima make another sammich
Jennifer Hampton: ohhh mine too
Jennifer Hampton: that's weird
sojuman3885: haha
Jennifer Hampton: -.-
sojuman3885: maybe our sphincters are secretly communicating with each other
Jennifer Hampton: LMFAO
Jennifer Hampton: it's totally because i just said butt viper
Jennifer Hampton: now they're contracting
Jennifer Hampton: LOL
sojuman3885: yeah
sojuman3885: they are scared
Jennifer Hampton: HECK YES!
sojuman3885: mine actually muttered a very faint nooo
sojuman3885: i dont know how it even knew
Jennifer Hampton: LMFAO
sojuman3885: maybe it was just a fart
Jennifer Hampton: we totally need sleep
sojuman3885: but it sounded like noooo
sojuman3885: yeah

Chatting from the age of chivalry can be tedious..
wytchcat

brawnydipstick: please do pardon this perhaps rather rude intrusion.

brawnydipstick: is m'lady preoccupied?

wytchcat:
Chatting from the age of chivalry?

brawnydipstick: your majesty..

brawnydipstick: this squire is inspired by her regal demeanor..

brawnydipstick: and wishes to enter her most regal courts..

brawnydipstick: a wish bold and reckless, perhaps..

wytchcat: Oh dear lord... did you need something in particular or are you just going for your bardic badge in the SCA?


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