The frown of doom.
xtheacidqueen
So, you think you can tell heaven from hell? says:
*So, what are you up to?
CRIZILLA! ; theacidqueen ♥ says:
*uhmmmmm jamming.
So, you think you can tell heaven from hell? says:
*Cool, want me to go?
CRIZILLA! ; theacidqueen ♥ says:
*nah. either way idc.
So, you think you can tell heaven from hell? says:
*Ah, well, then I can hang from the ceiling too?
CRIZILLA! ; theacidqueen ♥ says:
*=.=
So, you think you can tell heaven from hell? says:
*Not like that
*Relax, I'm not going to do it
CRIZILLA! ; theacidqueen ♥ says:
*=.=
So, you think you can tell heaven from hell? says:
*Stop frowning, I feel guilty already!
CRIZILLA! ; theacidqueen ♥ says:
*=.=
So, you think you can tell heaven from hell? says:
*Seriously, what do you want!
CRIZILLA! ; theacidqueen ♥ says:
*=.=
So, you think you can tell heaven from hell? says:
*ARG!
*The disapproval!
CRIZILLA! ; theacidqueen ♥ says:
*=.=
So, you think you can tell heaven from hell? says:
*I can't take it!
*Seriously stop, please?
CRIZILLA! ; theacidqueen ♥ says:
*=.=
So, you think you can tell heaven from hell? says:
*Ugh, first you make me dream of bad stuff, now you frown, a lot
*I'm going to talk to God
CRIZILLA! ; theacidqueen ♥ says:
*=.=
So, you think you can tell heaven from hell? says:
*Stop it!
CRIZILLA! ; theacidqueen ♥ says:
*I'm cracking up so bad it hurts
*Bahahahahahahahahahahaha
So, you think you can tell heaven from hell? says:
*Ugh, fuck you; you just have to screw with my head huh?
CRIZILLA! ; theacidqueen ♥ says:
*=.=
So, you think you can tell heaven from hell? says:
*WHAT THE HELL!
*STOP!

(no subject)
ow
vapid_waste
[Coversation between a man named Eric and I as we are both working around a dangerous-looking machine with many swinging contraptions and thingamajigs]

Me: How much would you pay me to stick my penis in there? [Gesture towards the machine]
Eric: Oh god, I wouldn't pay anything, that would just be horrible.
Me: OK... how much will you pay me not to?

There's no such thing as a dead joke.
xtheacidqueen

 
Me: How're you handling this test, man?
Sam: This is just too easy!
Me: LIKE YOUR MOM.
Marco: Ohhhhhhhhhh!
Sam: Goddamn, I walked into that one.
Me: Wait, wait, wait! Do you hear that?
Sam: What??
Me: The sound of your failure! :D
Sam: I'm just going to close my mouth.
Marco: That's what she said!
Me: Score!

Overheard at school
wordicuffs
Person 1: This weird thing happens to me whenever I lean forward, I-
Person 2: Molest a child?
Person 1: Yes! That's exactly what happens!

(no subject)
andychalmers102
Friend: Yeah so, literally, he came out of the closet....

Me: Wait, so he just walked out of a closet?

Friend: um no..."come out of the closet" means that he admitted to being gay, idiot!

Me: But you said literally..

Friend: So?

Me: So what does literally mean? (wanting to hear his answer for the lulz)

Friend: Are you retarded?? It's a word that you use for, kind of, stalling, the same way you say "like" or "um"

Me: AHAHAHAAHAHAHA

(no subject)
World in my Hands
temptationwins
Me: Her name is Tricia.
Manager: Oh ok.

5 minutes later

Manager: What's her name?
Me: Tricia?
Manager: Oh ok.

5 minutes later

Manager: I'm trying to send your co-worker an email, what is her name again?
Me: Her name is Tricia ____
Manager: I can't find her in email.
Me: Because her name is Patricia.
Manager: Oh I didn't know that Tricia was a nickname for Patricia.

*head desk*



(no subject)
creamiiicandy
rockroll_hearts
Me: Josh give my pen back.
Josh: No way.
- I slap him on the arm -
Josh: What was that for?
Me: You took my pen!
Josh: You took my innocence but I don't go around hitting you!


(no subject)
Crazy Random Happenstance
hi_kait_123
My boyfriend came over yesterday:

Me: You smell rugged
Boyfriend: Yes! I like that I smell manly.
Me: I didn't say manly, I said rugged.
Bf: They're the same thing!
Me: No, manly is rugged with a bit more burly in it.



And then at work today:

Manager: Are you over there talking to yourself?
Me: Yes. I'm a very good conversationalist. I'm not shy either, because, hey, it's me.

(no subject)
Dark Portrait
kittydoom777
Nicole: Are you and Kent dating?

Me: I don't know. We haven't even kissed and we live a while aways.

Shealynn: It's driving her insane.

Nicole: So what, you guys are friends with benefits?

Me: We haven't even kissed! THERE ARE NO BENEFITS

Shealynn: This is why she doesn't know!

(no subject)
Dark Portrait
kittydoom777
Julia: MELODY...MELODY

Me: Yea?

Julia: MELODY. THIS BOX IS LABELED SEX-HOUR

Me: Yeah Baby!

Julia: EXCEPT HOUR IS SPELLED AUER!

Me: Yea!

Julia: THAT'S FASCINATING.

?

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